what are we
/wɒt ɑː wi/
Very CommonThe question that breaks the silence when two people haven't named what they are.
Saying it out loud takes courage because the answer might not be what you want. It's often blurted out in a vulnerable moment rather than planned.
Real-world examples4 examples
| # | Example | What it means | Source |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | i finally asked what are we and he said 'i don't like labels' | She got an evasive non-answer when she tried to define things. | x, 2024 |
| 02 | we've been acting like a couple for months and neither of us will say what are we | Both people are aware of the undefined situation but neither wants to be the one to ask. | tiktok, 2024 |
| 03 | she texted me 'what are we' at 2am. i'm so bad at this | The question came unexpectedly and the person doesn't know how to respond. | reddit, 2023 |
| 04 | the what are we conversation went well actually. we're exclusive now | Asking for clarity led to a positive outcome. | reddit, 2024 |
Use it when
- Someone finally asked their undefined person to clarify the situation.
- You're building up to asking someone this question.
- Describing the anxiety of not knowing what you are to someone.
- Two people have been acting like a couple but never said it out loud.
Do not use it when
- You've already had the DTR talk and have a defined relationship.
What are we vs define the relationship
what are we
What are we is the in-the-moment question, often emotional and spontaneous.
VS
define-the-relationship
Define the relationship is a more deliberate conversation that someone plans.
Origin and context
A natural conversational phrase that became shorthand for relationship ambiguity in online dating culture. Spread heavily through social media as shared vocabulary for undefined relationships.
- First seen
- 2010s
- Confidence
- low
Cite this page
Use this stable URL to reference the entry.
https://slang.fyi/what-are-weUpdated: 2026-08-29License: CC BY 4.0