define the relationship
/dɪˈfaɪn ðə rɪˈleɪ.ʃən.ʃɪp/
CommonThe conversation where two people clarify what they are to each other.
Can be awkward, scary, or a relief depending on how it goes. The outcome isn't always mutual. Sometimes one person wants more than the other.
Real-world examples4 examples
| # | Example | What it means | Source |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | we've been on 6 dates. i think it's time to define the relationship | Enough time and investment has passed to justify asking for clarity. | reddit, 2024 |
| 02 | she tried to define the relationship and he said he wasn't ready for that | The person being asked avoided committing to anything. | x, 2023 |
| 03 | y'all really be out here too scared to define the relationship then act surprised when they leave | Avoiding the DTR conversation is what causes people to eventually leave. | tiktok, 2024 |
| 04 | we finally defined the relationship last night and honestly it went way better than i expected | The DTR conversation happened and turned out positively. | reddit, 2024 |
Use it when
- Two people have been seeing each other but haven't discussed what they are.
- Someone is about to have the 'what are we' conversation.
- Describing the moment someone asked for clarity on a situationship.
- Talking about whether it's time to stop avoiding the commitment conversation.
Do not use it when
- You're already in a committed relationship.
- You want to talk about where a relationship is headed long-term.Use “have the talk” instead.
Variations and related forms
Define the relationship vs what are we
define the relationship
Define the relationship is the intentional conversation, often planned and serious.
VS
what-are-we
What are we is a more casual or impulsive way of raising the same question, sometimes in the moment.
Origin and context
DTR as an acronym emerged from campus dating culture in the 2000s before spreading online. The full phrase became standard vocabulary in dating discourse on social media.
- First seen
- mid-2000s
- Confidence
- medium
Cite this page
Use this stable URL to reference the entry.
https://slang.fyi/define-the-relationshipUpdated: 2026-08-29License: CC BY 4.0